Moby came forward today and stated as much on his Facebook page:

ok, so sarah palin is releasing a book. and it’s filled with some insightful, thoughtful gems, like: ‘here’s my philosophy on being a carnivore: If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?’ -sarah palin.

well, mrs. palin, let’s look a bit more closely at what you’ve written. you believe that god intended for us to eat animals because they’re made out of meat. ahem. i mean, i’m not a professional logician, but i can see that the extension of your logic might lead you to some places with which you might be uncomfortable. bear with me, ok?

your logic sort of stands as:

1 meat is good (due to the fact that you like it)

2 animals are made out of meat (which is obvious, as meat is the stuff that surrounds their bones)

3 thus eating animals is good (and divinely sanctioned).

the problem, of course, being that other things are also made out of meat. like, well, people. and doggies and kitties. and cute little human babies. so if we follow your logic, mrs palin, you are actually suggesting that god intended for us to eat humans and dogs and cats and human babies, as these things are all technically made out of meat. i’m not even being swiftian, i’m just exposing sarah palin’s thoughts to some simple logic. which might be problematic, as she is also the person who once talked about looking out her window and seeing vladimir putin staring back (although he’s technically 8,000 miles away, unless he’s recently moved to kamchatka). or perhaps they do things differently in the palin household, who knows. perhaps she really does think that we’re intended to eat humans and kittens and babies, as god did make them (aka-us, in some cases) out of meat. i meah, let’s be clear, she’s a crazy sociopath, so anything is possible.

I’d like to point out to Moby that Sarah Palin is an individual who subscribes to the ideas of the pentecostal church. This means that she’s pretty much bugshit.

A recent scientific study has proven that people who claim to be pentecostal are either armed forces members in basic training that are trying to take advantage of the extra 2 hours away from their sergeant on a Sunday or – as old people like to gently point out – they’re “touched.”

Still, she might have a point, as I pointed out in my response to Moby:

Eating Babies Is Easy

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I am sure that they wish this was otherwise.

I’m almost as sure that elements of my wife’s family been planning my death for quite some time.

It could have something to do with the comments I leave in their conversations, or it might not.

Either way, baby knife fighting is something that just happens.

You get 3 or 4 babies in the same room, they start staring at each other, words are exchanged, knives come out and pretty soon you have a mess on your hands.

It’s perfectly natural, however.

Baby Knife Fights Can Get Nasty

Babies are not the only things that have knife fights. Knife fighting is one of the most common behavior traits that can be observable in the animal kingdom.

Lobster Knife Fight

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Omaha seems to be having a break in the weather, and, unlike me, Jamie didn’t want this awesome opportunity for me to do manual labor to just slip away. So, despite my attempt to ignore her and play Left 4 Dead with the kids in the basement, she managed to push me up the stairs and into the harsh light of Omaha in October.

I tend to be a man of shifting philosophical stances, and this morning my philosophy on mowing lawns was that if the job was not worth doing, it was worth doing poorly.

Even so Jamie would have to admit that I mowed the front yard well. I even made her mom move her car off the 4 inches of grass that her right tires were sitting on. I was that dedicated.

The backyard, well…I lost my way. I was not so dedicated to the backyard. Basically I mowed about three quarters of my backyard, got really tired of mowing and called it good.

And come on now. Let’s be honest.

The front yard is the really important part of any yard. That’s the part that people actually see. I don’t think that the backyard isn’t all that important, especially in October. There’s going to be snow out there, and snow covers all the grass and you can’t even tell how thick the grass is at that point.

And anyways, aren’t you supposed to let your lawn grow longer in the fall so it’s healthier in the spring or something?

I mowed the middle, and part of the sides. I mowed around the patio, and under the windows. I did not mow around the trees, which is kind of a hard place to mow because it’s all twisty and you have to turn the mower all the time.

Once I was done, I took a good long look at my work and thought it looked pretty good. It was different, and different is good.

My wife, of course, didn’t like it. She announced this on Facebook, in her usual distainful way.

And I responded in my usual way.

My Lawn Is A Masterpiece

I’m sure I’ll be mowing tomorrow, but I won’t be happy about it.

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Take Michael Lankton, from Connected Internet and Pseudoexpert.com, as an example.

A while back, Mr. Lankton left his Facebook page unsecured. As a result, someone (I won’t say who) announced on Mr. Lankton’s update page that Michael Lankton has switched teams and now loves men much more than he ever liked women.

That same evil person made Michael Lankton a fan of John Tesh and Britney Spears. This was an especially interesting touch because Mr. Lankton is a self-professed lover of what can only be termed “Death Metal.”

And yes, he’ll call it something else, but that’s what a pseudoexpert does – they pick and pick at stuff until someone hits them with a claw hammer.

So Michael Lankton comes back to the office, discovers the quick, obvious change to his profile and deletes the wall post.

Unbeknownst to him, however, he remains a fan of John Tesh and Britney Spears. This state of intense fandom stays in place for at least for a few hours until he finally catches the change and un-fans himself from Britney Spears and John Tesh.

Apparently this was long enough for Facebook to figure out Michael Lankton’s deeply hidden state of Britney Spears and John Tesh fandom. It doesn’t matter that Mr. Lankton stopped being a fan. All that matters is that he was once a fan.

Once a fan, always a fan, Mr. Lankton.

Michael Lankton Loves John Tesh

Michael Lankton Loves Britney Spears

Don’t deny your love for these artists, Mr. Lankton. Facebook knows all, and tells all.

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